Here’s to 43.
Saturday was my birthday. This past year has been full of so many plot twists and wild rides. I was hoping for a more settled pace, but maybe things have to get crazier after major life transitions before the new gets to settle into routine.
Most of my life, I have been a calculated planner and a strategist. The irony is: I have rarely been able to predict what is ahead, and whenever I think I have a plan, it tends to unfold differently than I imagined.
Here is to 43.
Life is full of uncertainty.
The more I embrace the mystery and tension of it, the more grounded and peace-filled I feel myself becoming.
That being said, here is some of the clarity I have discovered after 43 years of living:
Identity development needs to come before service and purpose. Who a person is and how they show up matters more than what they do.
Personal relationship with God (no middle man), circadian rhythm, time in nature, clean air, clean water, movement, nutrient-dense food, like-hearted friends, and balanced blood sugar trends are foundational to both quality and quantity of life.
Laughter is good medicine.
Free will is not doing whatever we want. It is the ability to act from our truest self and having the courage to follow through on what we believe to be true.
Being emotionally immature is a lot like being tone-deaf. Most of us can plunk out a few notes, but without the full scale, we miss the richness of the melody.
Humans tend to prioritize, swap, and substitute stuff and things, even experiences and adventures, for honesty, intimacy, and vulnerability, believing material things will satisfy more than the immaterial ones. There is room for both, but one needs to come before the other for fulfillment to occur.
There is a difference between provision and care.
Sometimes it is necessary to pause or completely sever ties in certain relationships. And sometimes restoration and reconciliation can happen. Other times, the pause has had to become permanent. This can occur in all kinds of relationships: family, friendships, and work. Forgiveness matters either way. Letting go of what should have been, the resentment, and the debt matters. And what sets the stage for reconciliation is both parties being willing to acknowledge the pain caused, the damage done, and share a renewed set of core vision, values, and commitments. Without that reciprocity, old patterns and harm are likely to repeat themselves.
2 truths can be held in tension at once: It is possible to be thankful for the good things in life without being grateful for every painful experience it took to arrive there.
If you do not know, asking is always wiser than assuming.
Unsolicited advice, even well-intentioned, usually creates more tension and agitation than encouragement and connection.
Depending on the listener's perspective, one person's complaining can be another person's processing. The wisdom I have found helpful when it is hard to tell who to trust with processing is: do not share your woes with anyone who cannot help you sort them out.
Be cautious about taking advice from anyone who does not possess the atmosphere you want to cultivate for yourself.
Some people are not willing or ready to wake up and think, listen, and believe differently. That is okay. Let them be, and keep growing and going anyway.
You matter, and I do too.
Honesty is me sharing me with you. Criticism is me telling you about you. There is a difference.
Sometimes family is bound by blood. Sometimes it’s found in the beautiful souls who make you feel seen, heard, understood, and deeply loved for exactly who you are, without asking you to be anyone other than yourself.
It is no child's sole responsibility, young or old, to validate the existence of their parents.
A wise man I trust says: “Logic is fast, science is slow.” In my opinion, the perimenopause boom is a money-making angle aimed at women who are overloaded, exhausted, and looking for relief. I believe the contributing causes of this dysfunction run much deeper than prescriptions can fix.
Life is full of uncertainty. The more I embrace the mystery and tension of it, the more grounded and peace-filled I feel myself becoming.
As I enter another year of life, I am not going to pretend I have any idea what is coming next. I know what I hope will happen, but life has taught me to hold my plans more loosely. And that there is a difference between the appearance of a good life and the substance of one.
What I want to continue cultivating in my life is:
Recognizing when I am slipping into override and choosing how to respond rather than automatically pushing through.
Honoring my own internal consent while continuing to consider the needs of others.
Making more room for relationships rooted in mutual care, honesty, vulnerability, and reciprocity.
Remaining open to restoration without forcing reconciliation.
Caring for my body and honoring its capacity rather than continually asking it to accommodate more.
Remembering that I can be responsible for my choices without being responsible for everyone else’s reactions.
Practicing agency, not as control over my circumstances, but as the freedom to choose how I participate in them.
Courage, honesty, peace, and joy.
Here’s to 43. Not knowing what comes next, but continuing to listen to what is true while not abandoning my God given intuition, value, and worth along the way.
I wonder what life has been teaching you lately. What truths have revealed themselves through your own experiences? What have you had to let go of, reconsider, or learn to hold differently?
I would love to hear what clarity life has brought you along the way. Feel free to share in the comments below.